Seventy-seven, man. The Rams lost by 77 points to the James Madison Dukes, 84-7, to fall to 1-8 on the season. Six of those eight losses have come by 20 or more points, four by 30 or more.
Just how high (low) did URI rise (sink) to on the grand scale of ineptitude on this particular Saturday though?
The appalling performance was the second-worst loss by a Division I team this season, including both the FBS and FCS. Only Michigan's 78-0 thumping of Rutgers surpasses Ray Bourque or Nate Solder's digits.
URI became just the second FCS team to give up 80-plus points in 2016, the first since Morehead State (Ky.) lost to James Madison, 80-7, on Sept. 3. (Tennessee-Martin beat Bacone College 84-6, but Bacone is in the NAIA, while Fordham put up 83 points vs. Elizabeth City State, a Division II school.)
So to be 100 percent transparent and fair, JMU is a very good FCS team. In the same conference as URI, by the way, so theoretically on the same playing field.
The Dukes were ranked fifth in the polls coming into the weekend, owners of a 7-1 (5-0 CAA) record, its only loss to the FBS North Carolina Tar Heels. Only Sam Houston State, currently ranked No. 1 in the FCS, has scored more points (433) than James Madison (395).
The Dukes set a program record with 84 points on Saturday, surpassing a 76-point outburst from 1995 vs. Morgan State (Md.) JMU is well on its way to the FCS playoffs again, looking very capable of an even higher nod than the No. 5 seed it earned a season ago.
Speaking of the FCS playoffs, URI hasn't been there since 1985.
They've had three winning seasons in the meantime, none since 2001. Since a 5-6 season in 2010 (for which then-head coach Joe Trainer won CAA coach of the year award), the Rams are 9-57 (.136 winning percentage), which includes a winless season in 2012.
2012, 2013 and 2014 accounted for the three worst point-differentials in program history (-327, -243, -259). History which dates back to the 1800s.
After being outscored by *only* 184 points in 2015 (another 1-10 season), URI's differential in 2016 is currently -244.
JMU's quarterback yesterday, Bryan Schor, basically looked like Tom Brady on crack with properly inflated footballs: 21 for 22, 309 yards, five touchdowns.
His counterpart on the Rams, Jordan Vazzano, had more interceptions (5) than completions to his own team (4). He was 4 for 25 overall with 12 passing yards.
I don't want to get on the players so much in this. It's not their fault just how in over their head they are. Who am I to criticize a kid for following their dreams of playing college football, no matter how sorry the program is?
But you know what really sucks? URI's next two games (at Elon, vs. Towson) are kinda sorta winnable. I mean they should lose both, but you never know because Elon is 2-6 with a -108 point differential, Towson is 1-7 with a -89.
Those aren't exactly juggernauts standing in the way of the #RhodeToGreatness.
Towson's loss to URI in the final game of the 2014 season denied a quest for a second winless season in a three year span, a denial of imperfection that causes me almost as many sleepless nights as David Tyree getting in the way of actual perfection. Almost.
My fear is that even a 1-1 split in said games gets the Rams to 2-9 and will create enough of a false illusion of momentum moving forward to stay the course with Jim Fleming. Because any season in which your wins are over Brown (which can't give scholarships) and either Towson or Elon is about as momentous as Thursday Night Football's ratings following Jags-Titans.
What I want to happen, as I've been screeching for years now, is to put this embarrassing abomination of a football program out to pasture and invest in a Division I hockey program.
What will actually happen: Jim Fleming will get fired at the end of the season and the next poor bastard will step on in, commanding a contract that will cause the URI athletic department to not be able to pay Dan Hurley to stay after this year's eventual NCAA tournament run for men's hoops.
For whatever reason, 'hockey' is the H-word for the URI athletic department, much like your kindergarten teachers told you 'heck' was the forbidden H-word. Every other flagship state school in New England has a men's varsity hockey team, while all but UMass has a women's team as well.
Neither exist in Kingston.
There's also no varsity lacrosse team, men's or women's, on the campus at URI. There's no varsity field hockey team. There's no varsity men's swimming. No men's volleyball, no women's golf.
I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I'd be a season ticket holder for any of those perspective teams, men's puck aside.
But I will tell you just because Rhode Island is the smallest state doesn't mean we can't have nice things. Cue the "it'll never happen" crowd when it comes to cutting football.
Of course its an eye sore to have to cut your football program. While URI is the only flagship school in New England without men's hockey, it would become one of just three flagship state schools in the country (University of Vermont, University of Alaska) without a varsity football team.
But what's the point of having a team just for the sake of having a team? I'm not seeing the correlation between having a football program and being without one as some sort of status symbol.
Several URI contemporaries in recent years, namely former CAA opponents Northeastern and Hofstra, have cut their football programs. It's not like they've been relegated to the third world in college sports without a football team on campus.
There's also the issue of URI's field, Meade Stadium. Pretty much every high school field I've been to between both Massachusetts and Rhode Island is more structurally viable. I'm no engineer but one walk up and down those stands and you'll know what I mean.
I don't truly want URI to cut football. And I understand that the paydays from playing FBS schools ($500,000 for a 55-6 loss to Kansas this season, $400,000 for a 47-0 loss to Syracuse in 2015) are massive.
What I want to happen is for URI to become a respectable program. To compete with its CAA contemporaries, such as UNH, Maine and Delaware every once in awhile. To have a winning season every now and again. Make a bad season 4-7, not 1-10 or 0-fer. I'm not looking to become the Alabama of the FCS.
I know better though. It's a sad, sad state of affairs in the Ocean State.
Mediocrity never wins, but it sure reigns supreme for the brass in Kingston.
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