Monday, October 10, 2016

Papi's Last Stand

I have absolutely positively zero idea what's gonna happen in the Red Sox game tonight. Every single sign points to them losing, namely the whole Clay Buchholz saving the season thing, but maybe the juju is so bad that it all cancels out, sort of like when Mr. Burns has every single disease known to man kind and they all merge together to a virus so big it can't fit inside his immune system? I don't know.

What I do know is that I'll have two trains of thought by the time Game 3 of the ALDS ends this evening. I'll be at Fenway and I really hope I don't have to rely on a silver lining of "hey at least I have the ticket stub to Ortiz's last game." Per the Elias Sports Bureau, Boston teams are 5-5 all-time when I'm in attendance at a post-season game; 5-4 with the Bruins, 0-1 with the Celtics. Took me exactly 26 years to get to a Sox playoff game but here we are.

So anyways, anything in normal type is what I'll think as the optimist that I am, anything in italic type is a deep, dark place I should really think about seeing a psychiatrist for. One more thing to consider before we begin...

...of those 22 likes, I think 20 are porn bots. Call it Papi's Playhouse. Away we go...





What is it about the David Ortiz era? The Red Sox have come back from series deficits of two or more games three times previously with Ortiz: '03 vs. Oakland, ALDS; '04 vs. Yankees, ALCS; '07 vs. Cleveland, ALCS. You can't tell me today wasn't the start of yet another comeback for the ages. I would not want to be Cleveland right now.

That's how the David Ortiz era ends? Seriously? Swept by the CLEVELAND INDIANS?

There's work to do, no doubt, but how can you not feel good about what's on tap? Tomorrow's at home, and anything can happen in a Game 5.

What a weird end to the season. Not as gut-wrenching as 2003, not as perplexing as 2008, and not as embarrassing as 2011 in missing the playoffs altogether. But every Taekmaster General on the planet was picking Sox in 4, at worst.

Clay Buchholz is one of the strangest Boston athletes of all-time. He's been five and a half feet under an endless amount of times, and it truly felt as though he'd used up his ninth and final life this summer. But there he is, tantalizing us all once again with the talent he possesses. We saw it with his no-hitter in his second career start, we saw it in 2010 and 2013, with other flashes here and there. But credit where it's due to Clay, for delivering perhaps his finest outing as a member of the Boston Red Sox.

Oh wow you mean to tell me it was up to Clay Buchholz to save the Red Sox season and he didn't deliver? You don't bleeping say! I'm not an expert on the depth charts of the Denver Nuggets or Calgary Flames, but is it safe to say there's not one athlete in the four major sports who needs a change of scenery more than Clay Buchholz with the Red Sox. One guy who has worn out his welcome more so than just about anybody else on the planet. Maybe Jay Cutler with the Bears Maybe.

Rick Porcello and David Price did, at times, look like the best 1-2 punch in the American League this season. Porcello never wavered, really, losing just once at home, while Price really showed what he's capable of in July and August, compiling a 2.87 ERA over 75 1/3 innings. Big advantage Red Sox over these next two games over Trevor Bauer and a still not-quite-right Corey Kluber.

And even if Buchholz did stun us today and actually grew a pair, we were supposed to feel good about Porcello and Price starting the next two games? Price on the road, no less?! Porcello was unreal this year, don't get me wrong, but he's still got a grand total of zero playoff wins with a heinous 5.66 ERA. David Price is so bad in the playoffs I actually feel bad for Peyton Manning when he draws that comparison. Manning had some clunkers, no doubt, but at least he was running up against elite New England defenses. RT if you have as many wins as David Price in the postseason as a starter.

Bradley, Betts and Bogaerts struggled quite a bit in the first two games, going a combined 2-for-20 with 10 strikeouts, but they truly are both the present and future of this team without Ortiz. Good to see them all breakout today.

JBJ hit .234 with a .752 OPS after his hitting streak ended -- and don't forget this little detail -- because John Farrell moved him up in the lineup that fateful night. Bradley's defense and occasional power is enough that those meh percentages play just fine, but you can't count on him to carry the offense. Betts hit .310 in September, but only had one home run. And Xander's swing is just lost. I've seen guys in my softball league with better mechanics in their swing than Bogaerts right now. Since his batting average peaked at .359 on June 12, he hit .253 the rest of the way with a .717 OPS. Again, not awful, but he is capable of so much more and he's definitely the biggest cause for concern among the three young 'studs,' if they're still worthy of said title.

John Farrell's bullpen management, as well as several other in-game quirks, have come under fire, but the fact remains that the Red Sox ran away with the American League East in September. They proved they can put a long winning streak together; what's two more games?

Is Joe Kerrigan available to come back and manage the Sox? What about Bobby Valentine? See ya John, it hasn't been real. Anyone who actually tweeted things out like "John Farrell has more AL East titles than Terry Francona" should go sit on top of the Pesky Pole during a thunder storm.

I've said all along David Ortiz isn't actually retiring unless the Red Sox win the World Series, and obviously only he knows the answer to that question...but now that the end is, theoretically, 27 outs away, that notion will truly be put to the test. He's sure playing like someone who knows the end is near...but isn't ready yet.

Did David Ortiz's retirement tour affect the Red Sox in a negative way over the final week of the season MY COLLUM.

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