It's finally happened: the Patriots have become too good

One of my favorite running gimmicks during last NFL season was the Monday morning (or one Friday morning, because Roger Goodell is a putz) ritual of snap chatting out my free coffee, courtesy of our good friends at Dunkin Donuts, after every Patriots win. I'm a big math guy (got a B+ in Math 107 freshman year in Rhody), so I figured that if each medium ice coffee cost $2.60ish, after the Patriots went 19-0, I'd save a whopping $49.40 over the course of the season. You sure weren't getting those savings in Detroit or Cleveland, the cities that could probably use such a stipend, but I digress.

I've feared for many years the day the Patriots regressed to the mean. I pondered it after the Ravens blowout in the '09 playoffs, I pondered it on that fateful night in Kansas City two years ago. But never once in my wildest dreams did I imagine the Patriots would become so good, it would affect me on a personal level:

Dunkin Donuts will now offer coffee for 87 cents following each Patriots win.

Like Lou having to raise the prices of Coke in Caddyshack because he was losing at the track, Dunkin Donuts has had to deprive us here in New England of free coffee because the Patriots are simply too good. There's some sort of equation to figure out exactly how much they're recuperating by raising the price to honor the greatest tight end in NFL history, but the point remains it's a sad day for team Dunkies members like myself. At least they'll still be offering something; I'm quite sure Starbucks has never offered a free venti grande for a Seahawks win.

But get ready to crack open your piggy banks on Monday (and Friday) mornings, because the price of 19-0 is now $16.53.

PS: let's say Aaron Hernandez wasn't a homicidal maniac, would coffee have been 81 cents? Or why not pay homage to Tommy boy, go with a 12 cent cup?

Double PS: if Dunkies wants to spin this as part of their campaign with Gronk and David Ortiz, how bout coffee is 34 cents after each Red Sox playoff win?